I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
