??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
