So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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