The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
