Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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