you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
