I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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