Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
