We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
