You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
