Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
