Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
