Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
You ruined the universe
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
