I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
did i walk over a car last night?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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