Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
