Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
