Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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