We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
