the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
