Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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