they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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