Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
