So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
