I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
