Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Randomize
