if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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