fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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