we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
