Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
