i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
