Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
