Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
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