Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
