Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
