you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
i now understand why vodka
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
