$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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