I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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