I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I want a musical about memes.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
