Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
grandma shit on top of the toilet
Screwed.edu
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
