is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
