Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
