I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
