i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
