I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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