i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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