You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
