There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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