Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
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