Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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