is your mom at the bar?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
