hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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