you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Randomize
