About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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